AND NOW THE SHIPPING FORECAST

THE GENERAL SYNOPSIS AT FIVE TO MIDNIGHT

 

Diesel

Rising

Greggs

Falling

Downing Street    

Visibility decreasing, outlook hysterical

Electorate

Depressed

North UK

Rockall

South UK

Affluent, backing Tory

Maude

Effluent, deepening rapidly

Cameron

Fog

Dogger, Fisher, German Bite

Clapham Common, Grimsby, Sauerkraut, intermittently Merkel

Sausagepastie

Soggy, wind 5 or 6, decreasing later

Ginsters

Lukewarm

Voters

Poor, veering left

Bradford

Turning Galloway, becoming bonkers

 

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